down, but not out
It's been about four weeks. Four Fridays about my boss called me into his office at 4pm to let me know that would be my last day of work. It wasn't about performance, it was purely a budget decision. I was numb, silent and all I could think about was packing up my desk and making it to my 6:30 haircut appointment.
Being let go from a steady source of income you know you need to survive is never easy, but how you deal with that setback I feel makes all the difference. I used that first weekend to process my new predicament, but to also forget about it. I know that following Monday I would hit the ground running in reaching out to folks and setting up my next great comeback. In this time I also have taken a deep breathe to appreciate not having commitments. Instead of waking up each day to go into a job I wasn't all that motivated about I make myself breakfast each day, I dedicate at least an hour of my day to the gym and on top of applying for new jobs I reach out to family and loved ones. It's been the simple reminder that you have to stop once in a while to smell the roses before their all dead.
Life went on after my job dissolved and life will continue as well. In the past four weeks I've had about six serious phone calls and locked down two interviews that I feel great about. I choose to claim the victory in this time of the unexpected. What else do I have to lose?
In the past four weeks there is no doubt in my mind that it's been one of the best things for me. It's a time to reconnect with myself and check myself. For a half of a second I was down, but I will never be out.
What is it like being a black man living in a white man's world? I just finished reading one man's attempt at answering this question in the book "Makes Me Wanna Holler: A Young Black Man in America," written by Nathan McCall. It's a book that initially after reading the first few pages I almost put down and said it wasn't for me. Something told me to keep reading, keep pushing and I am happy that I did. Personally, I've always known I lived in a world and a country that didn't quite belong to me as most people believe. I grew up in a town of predominantly white people in Oakland, New Jersey. I attended a private university of mostly white people in Syracuse University in upstate New York. Then upon moving to Harlem, New York I went to work in corporate America, dominated by white people. What is it like being an ambitious black man in America that won't settle for anything, but the best? It's simple, it's a daily challenge.
There are few things that the author and I share in common with our lives and even more differences. He grew up in a predominantly black town in Virginia. He went on to attend Norfolk State College in Virginia, a predominantly black college. Then, after serving some time in jail for armed robbery he finished school and went on to lead a productive life in the newspaper business. Stark differences from my own life, and yet as I turned the pages and he matured I felt a strong connection in our on our view of the world. McCall was fortunate to make something of himself after prison and work hard to live in his future and not let his past define him. Yet, he learned time and time again there were a lot of folks who did not want him to succeed. There were coworkers that said he only had his job because of affirmative action. There were old childhood friends that wanted to pull him back to doing illegal things. There were even women who did not have his best interest at heart, but saw what he represented and gravitated towards that. These are some of the things that plague a lot of people every day, but in particular, something that black men think about every second of every day. Am I good enough? Did I work hard enough? Did I earn this?
This book told the life of McCall through the highs and the lows. It was a transparent view of one man's experiences and a personal diary of what a lot of black men go through, but rarely express. I gained so much from reading each page. From shared awkward experiences in the workplace articulated through the text to personal feelings of self-doubt to understanding when it's time to let some friends grow, it's all real and it's actually okay to experience and grow from.
It's not easy living each day to the fullest, but no one said being great was supposed to be easy. Understanding who you are and where you come from and the sacrifices made before you help shape your own future. It's important for individuals to take accountability for their own lives, but it's even more important for each and every person to understand nationalities and backgrounds that they don't live every day. We are taught white America our entire lives growing up. There is small amounts of time spent on people of color, but is our history any less significant? Were we invisible or were we working just as hard to pull ourselves up? I never thought about this until reading this book, but there is such a heavy burden on others to learn about the things not taught in school. Be better and challenge yourself to get to know others who are not like you. Get to know their experiences good and bad. Get to know things that they struggle with on a daily basis, and there is no doubt there are shared experiences between all of us.
It's not easy being a black man in a white mans world, but I kind of like it that way. Each day I have something to prove to no one else but myself. I am worthy, I am great and I am going to live the life I've always dreamed about.
lives by one word: achievement. in anything and everything, achieve.